Not Everyone Deserves a Front-Row Seat to Your Soul
Better Alone Than in Bad Company
You should never feel the need to force anyone to stay in your life. Let people leave if they choose to. Allow them the freedom to lose you, to forget you, to put you wherever they see fit in the chapters of their story. That is their right. If someone wants to mute you, unfollow, unfriend, or even block you, let them. Don’t take it as an attack. Take it as a sign or maybe a lesson. Not everyone is meant to walk beside you forever, and that’s not a reflection of your worth. I mean, You are the one who makes your value. As you grow, you’ll realize that your presence won’t always be appreciated or understood by everyone, and that’s totally okay. Sometimes, you might even be the one who feels like too much, or not enough, through someone else’s lens. So if your absence brings someone more peace than your presence ever could, wish them well and let them go. You are not here to convince anyone to choose you. You are here to live in your truth, in your way, and that's what makes you special. And my friend, please understand this: detachment isn’t always a loss. It’s often a hidden blessing if you say so. When people walk away, they make space for those who genuinely want to be there. Don’t grieve the loss of those who didn’t recognize your value. Be grateful that life is gently removing what doesn’t align with your spirit. You don’t need to keep a seat at your table for those who only show up to take and never give. What you deserve are people who see you, who understand you without needing an explanation, who love you in all your sophistication. The ones who stay when you’re messy, tired, honest, or hushed. You deserve relationships rooted in truth, not performance, connections that feel like home, not a battlefield.
Remember, My Friend, choosing who you hang out with isn’t something you should take easily; it’s a big deal and can really shape your life. As the saying goes, “You are the standard of your closest friends.” The people around you don’t just show who you are now, they actually help shape who you’ll become. So, if you ever want to figure out where you stand, just look closely at your circle. Are they people who have vision and seriousness, or just folks who don’t take things seriously? Because even if you’re not like them now, spending time with them might pull you into being more like them without you even noticing. Ideas spread like a virus, they catch on without asking. That’s why you have to pick your company like you’d pick a path: carefully. They’ll either lift you up or drag you down, and not something in between. One of the best things in life is to be around people who think like you, share your values, and treat you with honesty and kindness. I know that some of you might say Why can we hang out with different people so we can complete ourselves, That's okay if you guarantee their good manners, because when your circle is good and solid, your mind feels calmer, and the worries and doubts inside you start to fade. This isn’t about being fancy or wanting to isolate yourself, it’s about taking care of your mental health. Like someone once said, “Being with people who truly understand you can make you feel so much better—it can reduce your need for medication, calm most of your worries and doubts, and maybe even bring you complete peace of mind." It’s not just about having friends, but having friends who feel like you, people who don’t force you to act differently or pretend to be someone else to fit in.
You need a world that matches you, not one that’s beneath you, so you feel like you have to shrink yourself, and not one that’s so out of reach that you have to pretend to be someone else. You want people who are similar deep down, who give each other the benefit of the doubt, and create a space where you feel free and supported. That’s when your mental health stays safe, and you hold onto the peaceful, sweet life we all dream of. It’s totally normal, and even necessary, to rearrange your social world from time to time, to filter your circles, and adjust your social circle, especially when your life is going through changes. This isn’t some luxury, it’s basic life skills. It shows emotional maturity and self-awareness. Just like you choose what you eat to keep your body healthy, you have to choose your company to feed your soul. Peace of mind isn’t something you buy, it’s something you build with people who are like you and relationships that match your heart. And you, My Friend, absolutely deserve at least one real person, a person who isn’t just a daydream or a fantasy, but someone real you can hold onto and live with. Someone curious and open, who doesn’t shy away from big questions, but breathes them in, someone you can talk to about life, death, the universe, and yourself. Someone who doesn’t get annoyed by deep talks or existential questions but grows with them and helps you bloom just by being around. Someone with a pure soul, no fake stuff, like they’re made of light. They get you deep down but are different enough to make every moment with them feel like a new discovery. Someone whose passion for you makes you feel like you’re the most amazing thing in their world. Their face are like a window, always open to new possibilities, and on rainy days you can watch together and feel safe. Someone you can share your sadness with and who holds you without judgment. They don’t deny your pain but fill you up with love, like rain on dry ground that makes your heart bloom again. They hold your sadness tight so it doesn’t scatter, protecting it like a promise, because they see something precious in you that they never want to lose.
Listen, My Friend, I want you to know this: not everyone you spend time with influences you equally. In fact, the people around you can be divided into three main circles, each leaving a different mark on shaping your awareness and guiding your path. The closest of these are your immediate family, your parents, siblings, and, of course, your life partner, bound to you by a relationship. These people form the very first environment where your humanity blooms and your worldview takes shape. It’s among them that you grow up, absorbing your earliest ideas about values, relationships, and even your own sense of self. Their impact is profound, not just because of their constant presence, but because your emotional ties with them run deep, rooted in a way that’s hard to uproot. This makes their influence more lasting than anyone else’s. All human relationships are, by nature, imperfect. This isn’t a flaw but a reflection of our own human nature, which is inherently incomplete. Perfection belongs only to our Creator. Our imperfection is part of what makes us human, we oscillate between strength and weakness, virtue and vice. So everyone around us, parents, spouses, relatives, and friends, carries a mix of beautiful qualities and flaws, and no one is exempt. We aren’t born perfect; we become whole through experience, learning what we couldn’t in isolation. People complement each other not because they’re the same, but because one’s weaknesses find balance in another’s strengths.
What might surprise you, though, is that deep down, every person you see around you is, in essence, a part of you. You might wonder: “How can I be all these different people? They have their own names, traits, and opinions!” On the surface, yes, they are different. But at the core of the human experience, they’re extensions of yourself, different reflections of your potential, your choices, your expressed or yet-to-be-expressed facets. Every person you meet mirrors a side of you: those you love reflect your dreams, those who hurt you touch an old wound, and those who inspire awaken something dormant inside. So, when you raise a child, you’re not just shaping their future, you’re reshaping yourself, healing what was lost in your own childhood, and planting seeds you wish had been planted in you. When you hurt others, you’re actually wounding a part of yourself. Every action toward others loops back to you. The world isn’t just “others” we live among; it’s a reflection of what’s inside us. We live inside ourselves, even when it seems we live among people. Every kindness you give others is kindness to your own soul. Every cruelty you show returns as loneliness, regret, or anxiety. Our connection to the world isn’t a straight line reaching outward; it’s a circle, where what we send out comes back to us somehow. Take charity, for example, when you give, whether money or anything else, notice how it makes you feel. You’ll find joy even though you parted with something valuable. That’s a sign your giving is accepted. Understanding this is a sign of higher awareness, it makes you treat the world as an extension of your heart, not just a place for individual survival. This understanding doesn’t make us selfish; it makes us more responsible, more compassionate, and less harsh because we know what we plant in others is what we’ll harvest inside ourselves. Remember, even when someone holds a rose and gives it away, the scent stays on their hands.
What I want to say to you today, My Friend, is to be very selective with your friends and careful when choosing your future partner. Ibn al-Jawzi, may God have mercy on him, said: “Be careful about who you spend time with, especially those who lack wisdom, because people tend to pick up the habits and traits of those around them.” A wise person only settles for what’s best for themselves, and one of the greatest things we can be careful about in life is who we choose to keep close as friends and loved ones. We should avoid the wicked and the ignorant because even if you don’t share their traits at first, their company can influence you invisibly. As Ibn al-Jawzi said, “Nature is a thief”, meaning that over time, being around ignorant or immoral people can gradually change you. Even if you start off pure, modest, and respectful, these qualities can be stolen little by little if you spend too much time with those who don’t value them. You become a copy of them, adopting their traits, whether good or bad. That’s why it’s important to keep bad company away. This isn’t arrogance or superiority; it’s about self-respect and maintaining your good upbringing and manners. Good company builds a person up, while bad company strips away everything good inside them. Do not give your heart to one who does not truly own it, nor give your time to one who does not value it. Avoid befriending the jealous, for they will always see you as an enemy, no matter what you do. Do not associate with the envious, for they will wish for your downfall before they offer you a helping hand. Do not live near the ignorant, for ignorance is a subtle contagion that dims vision and distorts meaning. Do not confront someone stronger than you outwardly, for wisdom lies not in confrontation but in choosing the right moment to stand firm. Do not befriend a hypocrite, who will decorate for you what they do not see in you while hiding what they say behind your back. Beware of the miser, for miserliness is not just about money; it includes emotions, words, and appreciation. A miser is stingy in seeing you, stingy in acknowledging your virtues as if you wither in their presence.
Never tell your secrets to anyone, for a secret once shared becomes a partnership that may not be worthy of trust. Secrets are too heavy to bear on shoulders that cannot keep silent; sometimes, silence is the safest pillow for the turmoil within your soul. Choose your companions as you choose your mirror, not to beautify you, but to show you the truth honestly. True companionship needs no justification nor forces you to wear a mask. It is the kind that protects you in your absence, rejoices in your presence, and prays for you in the silence of the unseen. You know, My Friend, life is too short to waste on relationships that drain you instead of giving to you, that distort you instead of illuminating you. Do not associate with those driven by insatiable greed, or who carry a heart that never feels satisfied, or who chase after this world as if it were their eternal kingdom. Avoid those who change like chameleons in every gathering, and those who speak ill of you when you are not present, but flatter you hypocritically when you are. Do not sit with those who rank people by status, who glorify the rich and demean the poor, nor with those who have no respect for discretion, exposing and distorting others’ secrets while craving exclusivity in what they reveal. Do not get close to someone who, if they love you, will suffocate you, and if they hate you, will destroy you. Such people do not possess love or loyalty, but rather disguised chains. Avoid those who covet what others have, for they do not know the path of contentment and measure their happiness by what they lack rather than what they possess. If you accompany such a person, you will end up resentful like them, seeing deficiency in blessings and tightness in abundance, viewing the world through the eyes of envy rather than gratitude. Know that a person who never feels satisfied with life sells their peace to its illusions, suffering more the closer they get. The greater their desires, the greater their pain; the larger their lusts, the smaller their heart and the dimmer their light. Never befriend someone ruled by their desires, for one enslaved by passion has sold their mind, pawned their will, and lost their insight. Desires are many doors leading to ruin, some obvious, some cloaked behind excuses. The first is the material desire, described by the Prophet ﷺ as: “Woe to the servant of the dinar and the dirham,” meaning the one who makes money their god, chasing it without conscience, ready to trample values for its sake even if it means betrayal, lying, or selling dignity in the market of greed.
There are those enslaved by sexual desire, dragged like cattle, seeing in women nothing but bodies and in love nothing but a means to satisfy a fleeting urge. Such people do not know loyalty or self-restraint, living in endless hunger that no satisfaction can quench, like drinking seawater that only increases thirst. Many men may appear polite outwardly but are inwardly possessed by insatiable desire that destroys their homes, ruins relationships, and kills their hearts without their awareness. The Almighty said of them: “Have you seen the one who takes his desire as his god?”—one who follows his lust like a worshipper follows his deity, disregarding right and wrong. This is the danger: when passion leads, ethics become mere decoration, conscience turns into justification, and people justify betrayal in the name of love, greed in the name of ambition, or fall in the name of freedom. Do not associate with such a nature, as it will seep into you gradually until you find yourself laughing at indecent jokes, excusing disgraceful acts, or remaining silent in the face of great wrongs because you got used to standing close to the edge. Even worse, those accustomed to desires do not stop at their own indulgence; they promote and glamorize it around them until values appear outdated, modesty a restriction, and loyalty a naivety. They do not realize that untamed desire corrupts the heart, numbs feelings, and turns its owner into a soulless wanderer, moving from one craving to another without peace or meaning. Therefore, distance yourself from such people and accompany those who let reason govern their desires, who know their footing, and weigh their wants against the scale of piety. Such a person is truly free, not enslaved by self or dragged by the world, but leading it with the strength of faith, a sound mind, and a balanced heart.
As a piece of advice, My Friend, do not be fooled by those who boast about their adventures with women. Often, they are the furthest from true manhood and closest to foolishness in the eyes of women themselves. A man who brags about his relationships impresses only the superficial. A wise woman sees through his lies and exaggerations and knows deep down that if he were truly a man, he wouldn’t need to inflate himself with empty talk. Likewise, one who talks endlessly about his wealth usually has the least of it; the truly rich are busy managing it, not boasting. Nobility is shown by deeds, not words. As it is said, modesty is a branch of faith, and a man who guards himself and those he knows preserves his dignity and theirs. The arrogant lose both. Reflect on how many men lost respect through endless talk and how many gained it through silence, dignity, and respect. Keep your dignity and do not confuse manhood with recklessness. True manhood is ethics, not conquests. Stay away from those who treat women as trophies and love as a competition; they do not love, they consume, they do not remain faithful, and they only brag about what should be private. Therefore, I advise you, as the wise have said, to restrain your desires, ambitions, and lusts. You will gain little from them and never be free of their burdens no matter how high you climb. Life’s goods are limited, and its troubles many; recognizing this is not weakness but wisdom. The ancients said: Renounce things to master them. This golden rule, if neglected, neither power nor wealth will help you.
If you become a slave to your desires, you become a toy in the hands of life, tossed about as it pleases, abandoned at the first unmet whim. But if you live with the eye of the ascetic, mastering your desires, you will own yourself, calm your soul, and find balance—the true wealth. Asceticism is not poverty or withdrawal but the art of prioritizing: knowing what deserves and what does not deserve your attention. Living with the conviction that what you leave to God, He will compensate, and that what you do not understand now, its meaning will unfold when you need understanding, not the thing itself. Know, My Friend, that choosing your life partner also reflects your mind. Many are described as “good,” useful, kind people with respectable traits, pleasant to be around. But there is a vast difference between “good” and “The Best,” and confusing them costs you genuine maturity and deep connection. A “good” person may be righteous for you and others alike; they support and understand you in some ways, but they do not touch your depth or speak to your unique details. Their presence leaves an unfilled void because they relate to you through general qualities that fit many, not through your special nature. “The Best” partner is created to complete your shortcomings, to accompany your dreams, to consider your circumstances, and to know how to handle your strengths and weaknesses without you having to explain yourself repeatedly. The Best one is rare, perhaps appearing only once or twice in a lifetime. But when they come, they make you understand fullness, and awaken a desire to hold on, not from need, but from awareness that such a partner cannot be replaced. You may see many “good” ones come and go, but the “Best” one, if absent, leaves a place no one else can fill. Thus, make wise decisions: do not settle for “good” merely because it is good. Strive to find who is truly The Best for your unique self, your dreams, and your soul. Trust that if you lose the “good” but are sincere and clear, you will meet the “Best” at the right time and place, because destiny never errs when approached honestly. Do not rush or settle for less just because it is available. Sometimes delays exist to bring you what you truly deserve, not what fills the void temporarily. Discerning “good” from “The Best” is not taught in books but is the fruit of experience and maturity. Be certain that a good life is not built on abundance but on wise choice. When you choose, do not look only at appearances but listen to the whisper of your heart when it finds a soul that resembles no other. As it is said, a partner who does not help you progress actually holds you back. Therefore, seek someone who raises you, understands you, and walks with you, not in front nor behind, but beside you, sharing the path. That is the meaning of companionship, partnership, and true love.
The worst thing that can happen to a person when choosing an unsuitable partner is not just disappointment or misunderstanding, it is the gradual spiritual exhaustion that goes unnoticed at first. Bit by bit, you begin to lose your energy, your vibrant spirit, and even your interest, because this partner has brought you nothing but distress. You lose the desire to talk about the things you love. You start to feel a heaviness each time you try to open your heart. You hold back from expressing your pain, knowing in advance that you won’t be understood, or worse, that you’ll be accused of exaggeration and constantly misunderstood. Conversation becomes a burden, expressing hurt becomes draining, and even showing love becomes an impossible task. All of this happens because you chose a partner who doesn’t listen but argues, who doesn’t comfort but attacks, who doesn’t heal but wears you down. And that, in the end, is a consequence of your own choice; no one else can be blamed for it. When you choose the wrong partner, the tragedy doesn’t start at the moment of betrayal, it begins the moment you convince yourself they are different, that they’re the exception, the beautiful anomaly in a world full of deceit. You say to yourself, “I thought you were different from the rest. I gave you a trust I had never given anyone before. I believed you would be the unwavering support, the hand that would never let go, the heart that would keep its promise no matter how the days changed.” You saw in them a refuge to comfort you when life got hard, a voice that would soothe your spirit, a shelter to protect you from the storms. But then you are hit with the shock, and you break. Because betrayal from someone close doesn’t resemble any other kind of pain; it doesn’t just hurt, it makes you doubt your own discernment.
One day, you’ll confess to yourself that the pain was twice as heavy because you never saw it coming. How could the light you once used to guide your way be extinguished so cruelly? How could the chest you once rested on push you away without reason? Only then will you realize, too late, that you were living on a hope that had no foundation, that the promises of loyalty you believed were just smoke and mirrors. And you’ll scream inside yourself: “I deceived myself—not because they were masterful in pretending, but because I elevated them above what they deserved. I hung dreams on them that they were never worthy of.” Then comes the painful clarity, the truth you kept running from, when you finally admit: “They were never worthy of that love, nor of that blind trust.”
You used to think that someone who gives sincerely cannot be broken, but now you’ve learned the hardest lesson: deal with people with little emotion and a lot of reason. Because faces don’t always show what they hide. Because outward innocence can conceal sharp teeth. Because foxes don’t reveal their cunning at first, and even snakes have smooth skin. And at that point, dear one, you will never return to who you were before the heartbreak. Even if you enter a new relationship, even if your former partner moves on, that kind of wound never fully heals; it reshapes you from within. You become more cautious, more silent, less impulsive. You start seeing everything from a different perspective: the words that used to comfort you no longer bring peace; promises no longer impress you; even loving glances are met with doubt before belief. You won’t be the same, not because you didn’t love again, but because you once loved without armor, and took the full blow of the wound. And from that, you learn to keep something for yourself, not to give all of yourself. You learn to leave a part of you untouched, reserved for your own protection. You realize that excessive trust is not always a sign of purity; sometimes, it’s a sign of naïveté. And perhaps the worst part is, you start to think everyone is like that, but that, too, is a dangerous generalization.
Know this, dear one: the soul that is blind will not see, even if the eyes are open; but the heart that sees will perceive, even with eyes shut. And know, too, that there is a vast difference between someone who loves you and someone who knows how to love you in the way you deserve, gracefully, genuinely, and in tune with your essence. Not everyone who utters words of passion understands the essence of love. Not everyone who draws you near knows how to hold you properly. True love doesn’t reside in the abundance of flattery, but in understanding and attentive care, in that person who doesn’t just see you as you are, but sees you as you could be. We recognize it instinctively, the difference between someone speaking borrowed words and someone who creates a language that belongs to you alone. We can feel who makes affection a habit, and who turns it into an art. We know who loves out of obligation, and who loves out of inspiration. Love reveals itself not only in moments of perfection and calm but most vividly in moments of fragility and confusion. Yet it shines brightest in those sincere, unprompted gestures, the ones not asked for, but freely given. Someone who truly loves you won't take the well-worn paths to reach you. Instead, they will seek to discover the unique road to your heart, and if that road doesn’t yet exist, they will create it. Because love is not a repetition of what has been said and done, but a new creation, one that resembles the beloved and no one else. So seek the one who doesn’t merely want to be with you, but who knows how to be for you. The one who doesn’t offer you generic affection, but a love tailored precisely to the contours of your soul. The one who, when words fail, doesn’t settle for silence, but instead invents a language that only the two of you can understand, a private dialect born of shared feeling, carved gently between your hearts.